Over this past year, something I’ve sat with more than anything else is failure. Failure has been the word running through my mind and heart as I live and observe—but not circumstantial failure; rather, relational failure. In all the ways our culture celebrates success and triumphs, we equally despise failure—either avoiding the topic altogether or making it far greater than it deserves. I don’t think it’s as black and white as we make it. Instead, it’s a push and pull as we live in this world relationally with others. It’s a glimpse into the human condition and a mirror on our own lives, and from it, provides much we can learn…
Why does it hurt when people fail us?
And why do we deeply fear failing others?
I am going to fail you.
If I haven’t already (or repeatedly).
You are going to fail me.
And from it, there’s so much that I can learn.
Shame comes as a byproduct of failure.
Yet, what about the “failures” that occur because of misplaced expectations?
Expectations of yourself—
you are not God, you are infallible human
Expectations others have of you—
you are not God, you are an instrument of Him
Expectations I have of others—
They are not God, they are infallible humans, instruments from Him
We are called to love Him,
to be made more and more in His likeness,
ever transforming in glory.
If this is not true in my life, I must ask the hard question of why.
We are not entitled to each other.
We have no rights to each other.
Look to what can be given rather than expected.
We are called to love others.
We are to be open to receiving the love of others.
And sometimes that love will include a rebuke.
We are given to one another in this life as part of God’s provision—
provision in that God has seen fit to provide through these people.
Through them, He makes Himself known and His presence manifest.
And where it is absent, He is surely gracious to fill with Himself.
There is no place for fear of failure.
He calls us to trust Him for our refinement.
And for those failures that are legitimate, hurtful—
Forgive me for the ways I’ve sinned against you. Forgive them too.
Yet in all of this failure, I beckon you—
Do not harden your heart or become righteous if others have failed you.
If you have failed others, do not condemn yourself.
*For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”
has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge
of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
Because we have this treasure in jars of clay,
to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not driven to despair;
persecuted, but not forsaken;
struck down, but not destroyed;
always carrying in the body the death of Jesus
so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away
our inner self is being renewed day by day.*
*2 Corinthians 2:6-10, 16