Every day, we participate in the transactions of giving and receiving. Most of it is mindless and directly interrelated, as it is part of the fabric of how the world operates. If you are at the grocery store and you want to receive the milk, you must give the money for it. However, there are many other instances when the direct transaction is not a guarantee. If I cook dinner for myself and my husband (giving), it is likely he will do the dishes (receiving), but that is not true in every instance. He may have worked late, in which it’s wise for me to once again give by doing the dishes as well, even though I may not have “received” something.
As you can probably tell from the above, I can sometimes be quite analytical in how I break things down to understand and engage in them. When it comes to giving and receiving, I find that to be true a lot of the time. I love to give, and even in the times when I don’t, God continues to teach me what that means about myself and/or the situation. It may be that my heart is hardened to the situation and needs to be softened to consider what He would have me to do in it. It may be that the need or opportunity is not one that I need to engage myself in at the present time, because I cannot be all things to all people. It may be that I am not viewing it properly, viewing giving as a necessity or a burden that I must do, taking my prompting only from the need rather than what God would have me to do with it. Over most of my life, I find myself engaging these questions more; however, the last year has also brought lessons of the other end—receiving. This year has been one that has involved more receiving than years past. Some of this has been due to my health over the year, with thyroid surgery and other surrounding things. Other ways are simply because of the grace of God desiring to break how I choose to view this.
In my analytical way of viewing this giving and receiving, I have often viewed receiving as an effect or response to my first having given. When it happens in this order, I can generally receive things well in the spirit they were given to me in. I gave; therefore, I can receive. But when I receive things without having given first, such as home-cooked meals and care after surgery; the blessing of Broadway shows, dinners, US Open tickets, and time with family; friends hosting and creating space for me to rest; the gift of my mom flying to the city to be present in recovery despite me not being up for much of anything; the grace of my husband in walking so patiently with me in the ups and downs this year has brought; continued provision and orchestration in my business; and more, I am somewhat flabbergasted at the generosity or gift that I have received. The questions that go through my mind are often 1: what did I do for them previously to generate their response now? and 2: I’m going to really have to respond to them with an equal or better gift of generosity. It continues to be transactional in my mind, which misses the point entirely.
I cannot live my life in such a way as if I set out to achieve or earn merit in order to “deserve” what I receive, or in order to repay it. In receiving, I need to trust in the heart of the giver, that they want to give and don’t feel obligated to, rather than constantly thinking about my position before them. I need to trust that in the same way God teaches me to be generous in my giving, God is working with them as well. We have each been given an allotment in this life by God in order to steward faithfully, and sometimes, radically. We should look to the benefit and blessing of others over ourselves in what we do and give. If we each engage the Lord and others in this process, we will be cultivating a culture of generosity where we give because it’s a natural thing to do. In turn, we receive gracefully because we see it as a portion of grace—undeserved perhaps, but lovingly given.
None of this is a new concept I’m coming up with. Rather, it is one that has been modeled by God the Father Himself by the giving of His one and only Son Jesus, that whomever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. That the giving of His son ultimately in death would afford the gift of forgiveness of our shortcomings and sin, creating reconciliation between us and the Father, and within us, a new heart and mind. Through this love, we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, no longer conforming to the patterns of this world, that we may be able to discern what is good, acceptable, and perfect.
We know this world is often not as it should be—we find ourselves or others broken, discouraged, in pain, separated, and more—but through the generosity of God in His giving, we are able to receive His promise and grace that He will at least bring us through it. At the most, we have the promise of God that He is working to redeem and transform this world into what He designed it to be. And none of this is deserved. I cannot repay Him for what He has done and I did nothing to deserve it; instead, I must gracefully receive it.
Both giving and receiving are elements in play in the much larger, much harder to break down, stage of generosity and grace given freely. It is much more about the heart and what God desires to show and teach us about Himself through it—rather than a simple transactional matter. In these ways that I have received this year, I must turn my thoughts to the grace of God through them and the love of other people I am receiving from, and thank Him for it. Undeserved, yet gracious and radical gifts. May those ways turn me deeper to Him, deeper to the One who enables such generosity in the lives of the people in my own. May they then propel my giving in such a way that I desire to give because I have been loved much and wish to love also, not because it’s “my turn,” “I ought to,” or out of expectation. And may I also not have expectations of the outcome of my own giving, as giving itself needs to be a response of worship of God, leaving up to Him the outcome of it—rather than having expectations that it will be a transaction that performs correctly through the end.
Giving in faith. Receiving in grace. And, generosity as worship.